


hoping these scarlet red depths swallow me once and for all.

by angel_cult



Series: kurapika angst [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Absolutely No Comfort, Angst, Genei Ryodan | Phantom Troupe Member Kurapika, Kinda, Other, kurapika character study, kurapika is sad, poor kurapika honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:40:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29402094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_cult/pseuds/angel_cult
Summary: kurapika remembers feeling invincible.but a lot has changed.
Relationships: Kurapika/Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer
Series: kurapika angst [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2159931
Kudos: 26





	hoping these scarlet red depths swallow me once and for all.

**Author's Note:**

> ohohohohoho is this me projecting onto my favourite characters again????? you betcha!!!!!

_**<https://youtu.be/JJpD9t7GVas> ** _

out of everything he’s experienced, this is the worst.

he’s staring into the mirror, wondering what he’s become.

his throat is closing up dangerously fast and he lets his scarlet eyes flicker to the spider tattoo on his ankle for a single moment, maybe two.

it’s a mistake.

all it does is close his airway quicker. 

scarlet waves pull him into their depths, he’s drowning in the red shades staring back at him. he’s glancing back and forth between the inking on his back and the chains around his hand.

the chains binding him down are both his enemy and his saviour. they wrap around his heart and threaten him, pulling him closer to the dark places. it’s so so dark, filled to the brim with corpses and eyes, both from his clan and the people he's murdered in cold blood, and small little voices repeating the same words over and over.

words like - ' _its your fault' ,_ and calling him a monster. he knows he's a monster, he doesn't need the devilish words repeated to him every day to take effect.

he’s been there before. he doesn’t want to return.

he’s asking himself when he became such a monster. such a person who can murder without a second thought, who can torture people to his hearts content to get what he wants. he usually tries to reassure himself, using the excuse that he’s a spider now, a member of the troupe. that they made him like this, this is their fault.

but he knows that the only person he can blame is himself. 

he watches the phone beside him, almost waiting for a familiar contact to pop up on screen as it has done so many times in the past. most of the time he would ignore it and set the phone down, proceeding to his actual work.

but he regrets it. regrets every single missed call from leorio. the doctor hasn’t attempted to phone him in years now, and kurapika knows why. the phantom troupe isn’t hidden, people have seen him engaging in thieving acts with them. people know about the things he has done, the crimes he has commit.

he almost finds himself scrambling for an excuse as to why he joined the troupe. he’s on the run from many mafias, the spiders have helped in many ways. it’s not as if he hasn’t seen the lewd comments made about him by men twice his age on wanted posters. it makes him sick to his stomach. or maybe he wanted a family again. someone he can cling onto when he’s feeling down and be comforted by. 

but in all honesty, kurapika doesn’t know why he joined chrollo.

leorio had one rule throughout his life that he made extremely clear. kurapika would be a fool to believe that someone as insignificant as he could be the one to break it.

leorio does not associate with criminals. gon and killua have been off the radar for years. and it’s not the first time, and it wont be the last - but kurapika feels so lonely. as if the only thing accompanying him are the dark thoughts and the rattling in his ears, the blood smeared over his clothes and the scars painting his body.

most of all, the spider on his ankle. somehow it makes everything worse, it feels wrong. but it can't be wrong. he's adorned it for years, how can something so right feel so out of place? 

he remembers the rush and adrenaline emperor time gives him. the singular moments in his life where he feels unchained, like a type of god. alas, it only lasts for so long. everything must come to an end.

but it was in times like those that he felt purely invincible, like nothing could stop him. his eyes full of false hope and vengeance. believing that he could actually wipe out the spiders. 

now he feels guilty. he’s betrayed his family and his ancestors.

the spider on his ankle twitches, and burns. he scratches and scratches at it, and yet it doesn’t escape. maybe the itch serves as a reminder that he is dishonouring his family.

above the loneliness, he feels empty. he hasn’t genuinely felt anything in a long time.

he hates it. he despises the fact that he can’t feel anything like he used to. he doesn’t gush anger or hatred anymore, fixing his angry snarl into a cold hearted frown with neutral, deep set eyes.

a small knock on the door and a deep voice anchors him, dragging him out of the red depths and onto shore.

it’s chrollo.

and kurapika still hates it, but maybe he can use fear and hatred to replace the emptiness in his heart just this once.


End file.
